Bill Boomer, who retired in January after serving as the longtime director of the diocesan Marriage and Family Ministry Office, reprised his popular talk for Theology on the Rocks West group – but he added a new dimension this year: he brought his wife, Leslie.
Last year, he talked about navigating love relationships with God – dating, marriage and divorce. This year, the Boomers expanded the topic, talking about marriage, remarriage and life in between -- as well as “bonus families.” The topic is especially meaningful to them, since they are more than a decade into their second marriage.
In tag-team fashion, the couple, parishioners at St. Raphael in Bay Village, shared their stories and explained how, after years of friendship, they “found” each other, fell in love and married.
“We’re not a perfect couple,” Bill said, but with the help of their faith, they have found a way to have a strong second marriage.
Leslie Boomer said when she married her first husband in 1978 at age 22, “I expected a lifelong marriage.” Raised a Presbyterian, they married at her church after dating for about a year and a half. The preparation for her first marriage was lacking, she said. The couple had two children and the marriage ended in divorce after about 15 years. “Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition,” she said.
Working as a professional singer, Leslie said she had been a cantor at St. Angela Merici Parish in Fairview Park and thought about converting to Catholicism -- which she did.
Bill said he met his first wife, Barb, through the youth group at St. Ladislas Parish in Westlake. They married in 1984 and later welcomed two children.
He met Leslie -- who signed up for the parish music program -- when he was engaged to Barb. Bill was involved with both the youth ministry and music programs. “I told her (Leslie) you have to meet my fiancée, Barb,” he recalled. “They met, hit it off and were friends for years.”
In 1995, Barb Boomer was diagnosed with cancer, which went into remission, but recurred five years later. Barb died in January 2002 after the Boomers were married for 17 years.
“Her cancer diagnosis taught us to be grateful for every day,” Bill said.
After her death, he was devastated. Bill said Barb left him a letter and encouraged him to be open to marrying again. He was struggling as a single father and Leslie was coping as a single, working mother after spending time as a stay-at-home mom during her first marriage. She said she and her ex-husband worked together to co-parent their children and she never denigrated him. “Half of their DNA belongs to their father,” she said.
Bill and Leslie remained friends and supported each other, but experienced different things at the parish. As a divorced woman, Leslie said she felt there was not enough support for those who suffer divorce. Bill, on the other hand, said he found the Church was better at supporting those who were widowed.
“I also had family and friends who didn’t abandon us,” he said, adding that he got the most solace from fellow single parents he didn’t know before who he said “were making it. I learned a lot from other single parents, including Leslie.”
As the Boomers slowly rebuilt their lives, someone suggested that Bill and Leslie should date.
“I never imagined it,” Leslie said. “He was my best friend.”
“We were great friends,” Bill said. “Her daughter babysat for us sometimes. We were comfortable as friends. She helped me grieve (after his wife’s death). She didn’t try to ‘fix’ or cure me.”
Then Bill invited Leslie to a concert at Severance Hall in 2004 “and something happened,” he said. “Was it God or the music? We both said it wasn’t a date.” But when he reached out to hold her hand, Leslie stiffened and recalled feeling scared.
Bill said he found dating “fun and challenging. I found that I could be drawn to a woman again.” The couple dated for four years, moving cautiously with their relationship.
“We had to discern what we want and what God wants,” Leslie said. “But it got to the point where I knew we had to move forward or move on.” She also had to seek an annulment from her first marriage. Leslie said she expected to feel vindicated when it was granted, but instead, she felt sad. “I thought I had married for life. I wasn’t happy about it (the annulment), but it left me wiser and able to move on,” she said. Bill said the end of a marriage is like the end of a dream.
“I realized I could see myself marrying her, but I wanted to be cautious because of the kids,” Bill said.
Both acknowledged there were challenges as they worked to mesh the two families. They took advantage of all the resources the Church offered to help couples considering a second marriage.
“We went through Cana II and were helped by a wonderful priest,” Bill said.
When their wedding day arrived, Bill said it brought a mixture of sadness and joy.
“But we were blessed to find that successful second marriage,” Bill said, reflecting on the past 12½ years. The extended family has forged its way, with both of Leslie’s children married and starting families of their own. She moved into Bill’s home after the wedding to minimize disruption in his children’s lives.
Leslie views herself as a trusted friend in her role as stepmother to Bill’s children. “I told them I’m not your mom. I’m not here to replace her. You have and always will have a mom,” she said.
And Bill said he is grateful for the “bonus family” he has as a result of the marriage and he was proud that he could help Leslie’s son prepare for his wedding.
It took time, but Bill said he and Leslie developed a prayer ritual in addition to Mass and mealtimes. “We learned to put the Lord first,” he said.
Statistics show that about 2/3 of remarriages don’t last, Bill said. “But things are in their favor if they prepare within the Church.
Leslie said they share a lot with other couples. “We are grateful that the Lord brought us together,” she said.
Both encouraged anyone considering marriage or remarriage to contact a priest, deacon or the diocesan Marriage and Family Ministry Office for support and resources.
William Toler, director of liturgy and adult faith at St. Raphael Parish, Bay Village, will speak on “Learning and Defending our Faith in Today’s World” at the next Theology on the Rocks program on March 9 at Vosh, 1414 Riverside Drive, Lakewood., Check-in and socializing begins at 7 p.m., with the program at 7:30. Cost is $15 at the door, which includes heavy appetizers. There is a cash bar. Register in advance by clicking HERE.